It's not what it looks like - Short Story

It’s not what it looks like

Having come out of a long term relationship over a year ago all of my friends had decided it was time for me to move on. The very idea terrified me as it seemed whilst I’d been cocooned in a relationship the dating world had moved on considerably. Internet dating was the way forward now and I wondered what had happened to the days of meeting through friends or in a nightclub. Egged on by my friends I signed up to an internet dating site and after a few glasses of wine for dutch courage wrote what I hoped was a flattering introduction of myself and uploaded a picture.

Over the next few weeks I browsed people’s profiles and pictures and received a few emails but no one special caught my eye until I received a message from Stefan. He was 35, no kids, no previous marriage, good job, and nice looking. I tentatively set up a date after a few online conversations but was extremely nervous about the meeting what if we had nothing to say or he looked nothing like his picture. Or even worse took one look at me and ran off. One of my friends Sarah had previously tried internet dating and reassured me that it would be fine and even if it was terrible I could just put it down to experience and have a laugh about it with the girls later. I arranged to send her a text if I needed an escape plan or more disappointingly got stood up. We arranged to meet at a local pub and to my utter surprise the date went brilliantly. It turned out we liked the same music and TV shows and I instantly felt comfortable in his company.

Over the next few weeks we meet up regularly and things continued to go well but I had noticed that Stefan had started to check his mobile phone often when he thought I wasn’t looking. On the last date he had suddenly had to leave early with a rubbish excuse of forgetting he had to get up early for work the next day.

The following week I meet up with a few of my friends and told them about Stefan and his recent behaviour and everyone decided that he must either have a secret girlfriend or perhaps kids that he didn’t want me to know about. I decided to play things a bit cool when he next called but he started the conversation by apologising for leaving early on our last date and I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. However the next day I was in town and saw him in a coffee shop with a brunette woman similar in age. He had his arm around her and they were deep in conversation, I quickly turned around so he wouldn’t notice me. Feeling upset and annoyed I ignored his phone calls and emails and slowly became more and more angry at letting myself get involved with someone again.

I kept myself busy at work and tried not to dwell on things but Stefan kept going round and round in my mind. I decided to call him and confront the situation. That evening after work I gave him a call ready to launch into my prepared speech but he sounded genuinely pleased to hear from me and said he’d been worried as I hadn’t been returning his calls. I was completely torn I got on so well with him, he made me laugh and I had hoped for a future but what was he hiding. I needed to know what was going on so decided to ask him outright if he had a girlfriend to which he burst out laughing which wasn’t quite the response I’d been expecting. I told him I’d seen him with a woman and wanted to know who he was always calling and texting when we were out. After a long pause he said he’d rather explain things face to face and we arranged to meet after work the next day. I hardly slept a wink and couldn’t concentrate at work. The time went painfully slowly. Eventually 5.30 p.m. came round and I left the office to meet Stefan at the coffee shop down the road. When I arrived he was already there and waved. As I walked in he could obviously see from my face that I wasn’t happy and blurted out. “It’s not what it looks like!” Well if that isn’t a clichéd get out clause I don’t know what is. I instantly felt annoyed and disappointed and was about to leave when he explained that the woman I had seen was his sister and they had met up to talk about his mother. He went on to explain his mother was really ill and they’d been visiting to do the cooking and cleaning. I felt awful for jumping to conclusions but annoyed he hadn’t just been honest. A long chat ensued and I’m pleased to say that now a year down the road we are engaged, his mum is back to full health, his sister is lovely and I can whole heartedly recommend internet dating.

My Rosacea

I have Rosacea & am currently having a flare up which has prompted this post.

I've had it on & off for 10 years. It coincided with my 1st pregnancy. I thought it was hormonal & didn't realise it was a skin condition. I thought it was adult acne & skin sensitivity.

I had a short period of good skin followed by a very bad period where I was put on a 3 month course of antibiotics. This had little to no effect so I was referred to a dermatologist at the hospital.

This was a frustrating time as every time I went I saw a different consultant so they had no idea if it was better or worse & I continuously had to explain. I was also suffering eczema at this time which was part of my referral & I feel this meant my rosacea was overlooked.

After 18 months of various lotions & potions my skin improved. The consultant seemed uncertain if this was due to treatment, hormones or just luck but I was just relieved everything seemed relatively normal.

This however didn't last and I've had problems on & off every since.

My eczema is under control. I need occasional steroid cream & use Aveeno moisturiser often. After much trail & error this was the best for me.

My rosacea however is not and has been a weird and very frustrating experience. A bad flare up can leave me in tears and it can effect my confidence and ability to socialise.  I feel like seeing a doctor is wasteful as some people are actually ill. I usually only go when I have a bad infection or am extremely low.

My rosacea occasionally effects my eyes.  I hadn't known this was linked until a couple of years ago & just thought I was unlucky.  I usually just buy some eye ointment from the chemist and get on with it.

However this week I've had a flare up with acne like spots & it has really effected me.

I started a new job recently & I'm now facing people daily & they are new people.  I'm in a school and a few children have commented on my red nose/cheeks.  As I also had a cold I just blamed it on that but it made me inwardly cringe and wish the floor could swallow me up.

I feel self conscious & less of a person when a flare up is bad.

A lot of people will not understand & I know it sounds ridiculous.

The trouble is it largely effects my nose, mouth & part of cheeks. When its just red it's easier to cover but when I have the strange spots make up clings or slips & it doesn't sit right therefore drawing more attention to the area of concern.

I've decided to visit my GP although already feel bad for taking their time. I called on Monday and have an appointment for Friday evening. My skin settled a little over the weekend and the spots have reduced but I want some medication so when another flare up occurs I can reduce the symptoms quicker.

I've tried Avene Antirougeurs Jour redness relief cream as its highly recommended but it makes my skin redder and seems to annoy blemishes so is definitely not for me.  I've also tried Clinque Redness Solutions in the past which also didn't agree with my skin.  Over the years I've tried several of the green tinted creams that most make up brands offer but none have really done the job.   I'm currently trying Dr Nick Lowe Redness Relief.  It feels nice and made a small difference this morning but I don't think its going to be the solution I was looking for.

If you'd like more info on Rosacea I've written a separate post so click here.

Wish me luck & if anyone has any tips or wants to share their experience I'd love to hear from you.

Emma xxx

Rosacea - Information, Symptoms, Treatment

Rosacea is a common but poorly understood long-term skin condition that mainly affects the face.

Rosacea often starts with a tendency to blush/flush easily and this can lead to other symptoms.

• burning and stinging sensations
• permanent redness
• spots
• small blood vessels in the skin becoming visible
• eye symptoms (inflammation of the eyelids, dry eyes, reoccurring stye).
• Thickening of skin usually around the nose (rhinophyma) This is uncommon and in severe cases.

The exact cause of rosacea is unknown, although it is thought it maybe abnormal blood vessels. 

Some people report certain triggers cause a flare up. Common triggers are -

• exposure to sunlight
• stress
• strenuous exercise
• hot or cold weather
• hot drinks
• alcohol
• caffeine
• spicy foods

Treatment varies dependant on the symptoms. Rosacea is a chronic condition that is incurable but can be controllable.  

There are a number of things you can do to help keep the symptoms of rosacea under control -

• avoiding things that trigger your symptoms if known
• taking good care of your skin and using products suitable for sensitive skin
• using make-up to camouflage persistent redness
• using an SPF daily

If you have round red bumps that rise from your skin (papules) and pus-filled swellings (pustules) caused by rosacea, there are a number of different medications to try which require a prescription.

• metronidazole cream or gel
• azelaic acid cream or gel
• ivermectin cream

If symptoms are severe antibiotics often used are tetracycline, oxytetracycline, doxycycline and erythromycin.  This can be for 1 to 2 weeks or a low dose for several months.

Redness can also sometimes be successfully improved with vascular laser or intense pulsed light (IPL) treatment. These treatments require a referral to a dermatologist and they're not usually available on the NHS, so you may need to pay for them privately.